Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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