the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
