we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
