Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
