They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
