I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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