This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
