I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize