once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
