Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
