exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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