Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
