guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
