in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
