At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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