I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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