He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
