You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
