That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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