this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
