I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
