Please, let me fuck your mom
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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