i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
