I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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