God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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