Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
