If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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