Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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