John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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