it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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