proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
