My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
