I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
