Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
