I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
