i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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