If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
