i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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