My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
