i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize