Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just invented taco cereal.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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