Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
