Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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