Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
