is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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