i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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