i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
