M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
