Betty ford says i'm here all night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
