Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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