i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
