hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
