Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
