Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
