he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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