Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
