After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
