i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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