Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
