I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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