I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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