Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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