If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
