You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
