life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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